puzzle

sick

somewhere along the way
i learned to watch what i say
a habit i need to kick to the curb
put up with ignorance
silence was self-defense
no way to live and love
the halfway that everybody does

i can finally feel the fog lift up a little bit
miss the warmth of your voice
instead of being sick of it
too bad i remember how it sounded at first

i want to get a grip on the time that i wasted
and trade it all in for a little more youth
to make it all fair repeat
the things that you'd swear to me
and trade them in for the truth
now that i've got the proof

i can finally feel the fog lift up a little bit
miss the warmth of your breath
instead of being sick of it
too bad i remember what it felt like at first

i can finally feel the fog lift up a little bit
miss the warmth of your voice
instead of being sick of it
too bad i remember how it sounded the first time


not today

only caught a glimpse
it was enough to stun
and i wished that my hands
could trade places with my eyes looked again
and it was obvious i was overcome
though it didn't distress you
and it didn't surprise you said
someday you're gonna meet
the woman of your dreams
she's gonna take you far away
but not today

the clock struck 6 a.m.
and you were gone again
i wished that my life
could trade places with my dreams
'cause sometimes they're so close
but for a few details
like you wanting to be here
be here with me
i'm gonna take your hand
and cross that line
between sleeping and being awake
but not today

if i could also put some time in a bottle
i could offer you a 90-day back guarantee
and you could come over here
at no risk or obligation
so just act now yeah right now please
someday soon
you're gonna look at me differently
see me in another way
why not today


even out

you fell down in-between the damage done
from your hopes and dreams
and the rising sun warming up your face
like a sign from God or amazing grace
and it was time to grow and

just let it all even out
with maybe one word a day
that you won't take away from me

how to go again
it doesn't feel the same without
a hand pushing down on my neck
a thumb digging into my skin
get the point across
thanks for trying to let me know
you were just checking for a pulse
time to let it go and

could be so easy to doubt
or decide when it's time to be strong
whenever i'd figure you out
you'd open your mouth and prove me wrong
rather do it all yourself
it's hard to help, hard to get along


always right there

everything was said
everything it meant
so important to the point
you can't stop shaking
everything it's been is done
everything you will become
is so tremendous i can't stand still

forgiveness
it's a beginning
understanding
is always right there at the ending

just because it was seen
or because it seemed the thing to be
well no points off for trying
might have lived it differently
could have should have would have
whatever, hindsight being 20/20

right before it died
flashed in front of your eyes
the next deep breath
was friendly and familiar
without the drag of the weight
everything you will create
so tremendous i can't stand still


show me what you mean

didn't notice your mouth was still moving
i wasn't even near it
and you never will explain
what would have changed
if i'd waited long enough to hear it
didn't really enjoy my perspective
kill you to let it go, would it?
guess you wish i would take it back
but i'd have nowhere left to put it

can you figure it out
beyond a shadow of a doubt
something to make it much better
give a sign of faith
you'll try to deal with it straight
and take in everything
is it always in the back of your mind
on the tip of your tongue
to prove i am the one with the problem
dust off your charm
maybe drop your guard
and show me what you really mean

lately a little rough around the edges
my dead center is wearing thin
want nothing more than to smooth it all out
but don't know where to begin
need a new way to choose my battles
instead of taking all the ones i can win
just stand up for what's important enough
to bother with again and again and again


hands

every day was just an exercise
in remembering the things
i used to hold sacred
way too tired and never curious enough
to ask you more than once
if you could see it the same way i did

out of your mouth into my soul
i don't think i could ever let it go
out of my hands into my soul
i promise i will never let it go
i promise i will never let it

always easier to change your mind
than change the circumstance
just leave every bit
at least two steps behind
slow to find the most important
piece of the puzzle
have my own point of view
that has absolutely nothing
to do with you


doesn't have to

person to person
or a ticket for a train
if you've got half a mind to see me
here's an invite here's your chance
your very best

take some snapshots on the way
certain memories just fade
faster than ink and paper can
write your thoughts along the way
remember everything you want to
she might try to
doesn't have to

trees move by so fast and
the mountains take their time
true for everything
i tried to make possible today
and yesterday

steady if it's far away
close enough to catch then it's
close enough to cut you all to pieces
bite your tongue along the way
savor everything you want to
she might try to
doesn't have to


oh well

let me confirm your fears
if you didn't mean it
it's just a little late
we could put it back the way it was
have it end up looking
just like a broken vase

that someone decided
to spend time and mend
after a short while
to get shattered again
oh well

it's amazing how much hate
can find its way
into such a small space
if you want to say you're sorry
and watch and wait
feeling like a jerk i'll take the bait

what will it win you
to be here again
if you had good reasons
for rubbing it in
oh well

i wish it felt completely finished
don't worry about a thing
sorry i am not so sympathetic
you're awake with kindness on your plate
call it karma call it fate
you're anorexic

stay by my side one more time
hours away i'll gently put my foot
on your backside
oh well


baggage

just a few long days ago
i thought i still had something to say
it's always good when someone listens
if they remember anyway
and not just the words
but everything they meant
i wish i had the strength
but not the need to say it all again
if it doesn't lead to understanding
then what's the point

drop this baggage before the gate
an extra 5 for you if it's misplaced
and they just can't find it anywhere
was hard to fail but twice as rough
to hear you say not good enough

the kindest thing i'd ever seen
in my best six or half a dozen dreams
your sense of memory
is a taste or a feeling
what does it mean for me

just a few long days ago
i thought i had something to work through
was it something to work around
or completely forget as best i could
and it's hard to draw that crooked line
between the bullshit and the best of times
if we're not on a path to understanding
then what's the point


world

feels like giving in
tastes like a mistake
used to make me cringe
tonight i didn't even flinch
should've held it in your head
the escape was pretty bleak
now there's no desire to run
and there's no desire to speak

and the world before was mine
just as imagined
(took it for granted/taken for granted)
how was i to know
that the world before was mine
where'd it go

the first sign to the east
it's a habit from the past
lost faith along the way
wonder where you had it last
put the heavy drapes on the window
try to sleep clean through till spring
wake when everything feels new
start again with everything

 

© 2001 John Lowe.